She walked by, a summer breeze. Her long black hair blew about her face, like in those magazine ads. Perfect, airbrushed, looking effortlessly beautiful.

Her beauty really was effortless. The tiny plumes of dust she kicked up dyed the already bedraggled hems of her uniform’s white shalwar a darker shade of brown. The fingernails on her dainty hands were bitten and ragged. Her clothes looked as if they had been stuffed them into an urn before she wore them.  She could have just slipped out of bed, drifted into her clothing, cut a hole in the sky and stepped into that dusty playground.

She was perfect. The people gathered around her looked almost discomfited by her presence. Incongruous, in spite of being in the majority. They were just a random jumble of parts thrown together, compared to the fine-tuned, perfectly aligned, specimen of bodily perfection that was her. It was as if a gleaming limousine had wandered into the midst of a scrap yard. The awe she inspired was almost fear.

I glanced down at my perfectly manicured nails, my immaculate uniform, my flawlessly white socks. I wondered who first created the iron, and what that person would’ve looked like.  Perhaps we would have gotten along quite well.


12 thoughts on “Perfection

    • I write to escape (haha) so I usually use whatever words pop into my head. Thanks for the criticism though. It’s the honest, non-sugary kind that I look for. 🙂

  1. Well, of course flowery language can get annoying sometimes because it becomes celebratory and just that. A writer often needs to choose between his ego and his story. Having said that, I think this isn’t what I would call flowery. It is vivid and that works to your credit. Particularly, your sentences aren’t overly complicated which makes this a smooth delightful read. The only thing I wish you would try to help is to overstep a single idea of beauty, visually. I liked ‘Gnats’ better that way because it seemed rawer and hence, more brutal in it’s impact.

    Hello there. New reader and charmed. 🙂 I hope you don’t mind the rant.

    • Hello there. I actually liked the rant. Thank you! Criticism is always welcome. Could you please explain what you meant by overstepping a single idea of beauty, visually?

      ‘Perfection’ and ‘Gnats’ are supposed to be different that way. They convey two different emotions, and in different ways. It’s good to know that they came across as such to you. 🙂

      • Of course! Now that I consider it seriously, there isn’t really much of a basis for comparison between the two except the superficial i.e. they stem from the same pen.

        What I meant was that poetic expression can sometimes become overarching in it’s intended end which is to land a beautiful sentence. In pursuit of such a sentence, sometimes one’s observation of the real and the ugly can take a back-seat which to me is a loss. A perfect example is the ghazal in Urdu. Not that I don’t enjoy ghazals…
        It’s just been a concern with my own writing lately, so perhaps I was quick to apply the label to you as well.

      • That’s true. Things are no longer as real when everything is beautiful. I think you understand that. And thanks for pointing that out. I’m always looking for ways to write better. 🙂

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